Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
