found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
