never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
