The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
