people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
