she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
