Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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