He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
