hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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