Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
