Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
