So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
