I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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