Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i dont even know how to be here
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
