We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
