so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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