I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
