Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
