Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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