people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
