If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
