he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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