i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
