I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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