She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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