I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
