Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
