Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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