she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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