I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
