Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
