He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
