The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drake has all the answers
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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