Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
