He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
