LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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