I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
