Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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