you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
