I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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