guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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