her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
