i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
