best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
