Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
