Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
