Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
