the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
