it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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