I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
