Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
