i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
