I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
