Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
