Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
